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Posted by / 14-Jan-2018 05:24

Surrounded by gyms and window tint shops, I forever bear the cross that is my New Jersey wife and until death do us part. Run far away and if by chance you happen upon the promising plains of Delaware County, PA, tell my sweet mother I love her, and I’ll probably see her this weekend. Gaining the clementine complexion of say a Snookie or a J-Wow takes serious time and effort. Though I’d describe it as a mix of “valley girl” with a splash of “Rocky.” A method I have devised to train my ears is to hold my nose while saying trash. The nasally intonation heard is often times associated with Jersey Girls. Sadly the state of NJ has beef with the left direction and requires its citizens to spin around these so-called “jug handles” like circus clowns whenever they want to veer off to the left. Their sophisticated processed meat palates can appreciate the even slightest nuances in various pork rolls—and if it’s not “Taylor” brand, then you’ve got a problem. If you’ve never been to a gym in NJ you need to stop what you’re doing and go.

You need to embrace the human microwave and have no concept of skin cancer. Most Jersey girls can not resist celebrating the return to their home soil. Not all, but some NJ babes abide by the “if-it-almost-covers-your-butt-cheeks-then-it’s-OK-rule” and watching them twerk the leg machine is definitely a treat.

After returning home, the woman said she became occupied in another room, leaving the man alone.

When she returned, he was gone — and so were her Yorkshire Terrier named Violet and her TV valued at ,000. The woman says she knew her date only as Joel and believes he lives in Elizabeth.

Girls from New Jersey possess these mysterious cards which allows them to basically live in Atlantic City for free. Just don’t get caught staring, the guy dead lifting a house in the corner is probably her man.

Granted they get really drunk and lose a bunch of your money playing roulette. Nothing pisses a NJ princess off worse than sharing the road with people from other states who, “come into their state and don’t know how to drive.” To her they are just in the way and taking up space at the beach, or as she calls it, “the shore.” Slow left lane drivers are the bane of NJ women’s existence. Even if she’s been doing a good job hiding her “Jerseyness” from you, this will definitely expose her.

If you’re lucky she’ll show her true colors and break up with you on the spot for this. Mostly over men, yet sometimes over “trash-talk” as well. No NJ citizen can sit idle and listen to their state being spat upon.

Hold a flashlight to her knuckles while she is sleeping to look for scars, or even recently scabbed wounds. If you don’t have a Wrangler you need to rent one and if you already have one, congrats. Just get out of there soon after, otherwise you’re going to have to listen to her ramble on about how NJ’s close to Philly and NY and all the beaches and blah blah blah.

Other fun monthly and weekly events Monmouth Singles hosts include guided walking tours, museum trips, boardwalk walks, concerts and theatre events, movie trips, discussion groups and more!Citizens of the state love their Governor, but at the same time won’t hesitate to let you know he’s a fat shit and will never become president because he’s so goddamn fat. This barbaric behavior is very common among NJ drivers and it’s typically used on “fucking slow driving PA drivers in the left lane.” It’s probably the most honest and straight forward approach to the whole thing.If she replies, “Fuck yeah, Dirty Jerz for life, bitch! ,” before slamming an alcoholic beverage containing Red Bull, then bolt. Matt is a writer and sometimes comedian and mixed-martial artist.Khloé Kardashian has hopped on the younger man train.The 32-year-old has been dating Cleveland Cavaliers center Tristan Thompson since last month.

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The new “it” couple was spotted holding hands in Miami this past weekend, and Tristan has been “mom approved” by family matriarch Kris Jenner, who told reporters at the recent Brent Shapiro Foundation for Drug and Alcohol Prevention Summer Spectacular in Beverly Hills, California that the two are “really cute” together.